Great Crosspoint last night. The topic was faith and Kyle said something I had never thought about before, "Faith means its ok to say 'I don't know' and 'I don't understand.'" In fact, he made the case that it is partially reliant on our ability to do so. What a revelation that was for me, but it makes sense. Faith involoves knowing that I don't know and understand everything and realizing that God is the only one who can. Its really a roundabout way of saying that humility is a key element of faith. In the end, we can only fall to God, the creator, the mastermind. Only He has what we need to get through.

I realized in all this, that I had some pride in my faith. I consider myself to be very strong in my faith but, in reality, its more of a fool's ignorance. I just take things, without thinking about them and saved my troubles for tomorrow, like in Gone With the Wind. I realized that, deep down, I do doubt Him, not in the way of not understanding or admitting I don't know, but real doubt. Kyle read a poem about doubt (which I really want a copy of, I hope he'll give me one) and, at the end, God tells the writer, "I died for all that doubt." He is so amazing, I don't understand.

Then I thought about service to God and I thought, "what if every Christian did 'greater things than these' as Jesus said we would do?" I am here to be His hands, His feet, His words, yet I forget so easily that He is the only source for this. He doesn't need me, but I need Him, and when I seek Him, He fills me to overflowing and I can't help but overflow on others. In fact, I hope I overflow unconsciously and that His glory is unmistakeable in my life, like Moses' face.

When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the Testimony in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the LORD. --Exodus 34:29

If I had one minute with George W. Bush, I'd tell him to be strong and not be afraid to stand up for what he truly believes in. A nation this large needs a leader just as large in spirit. I would encourage him; he needs to know that people still believe in America and America's foundations and as this country's leader, we believe in him. People seem to simply take sides without thinking through the whole situation. Yes, there is a time for impeachement and removing corrupt leaders, but now is not that time and he is not that leader. Bottom line, President George W. Bush is the President of the United States. And, for two terms in a row, voters have put him in office to lead this country. He needs to be encouraged and built up as well as criticized. He needs to know that someone is backing him, not just because he belongs to a certain party, but because he's my President.

What is your answer to this Question?

I'm not sure exactly what to say, but I have to say something.

We had to put our dog to sleep today. He was irritable and sometimes downright mean, so maybe you can't understand how he still left a hole in my life.

I remember the day we got him. I went with Mom to the PetSmart where the SPCA had pets for adoption. We went to look at border collies, but we couldn't ignore the gold collie-ish dog that leaned against his cage, begging to be petted. When we got him home he raced around our house, he couldn't believe he had a family that loved him.

He had a shady past. He'd been on the streets anywhere from 7 months to 3 years. As a result, he had certain phobias: guns, anything that sounded like gunshots, sneaking, chaos of any kind, big men, bushy beards. His biggest problem was food. From day one, he was very protective, even aggressive, about food; this got progressively worse.

Toward the end, he had such bad arthritis that he almost couldn't take the long walks in the mornings that he loved so much. The walks were also the only key to controlling his behavior, without them, he behaved terribly and seriously bit two of my siblings within a 24 hour period.

All things considered, it was time to say goodbye. I was shocked when Mom first told me and cried for an hour or two straight. It seemed like such a cruelty of life to have to choose to put an animal to sleep because of what he did, not how sick he was. It took me a while for reality to hit and to realize that, not only was it best for us because he had become dangerous, it was best for him because he couldn't control himself and was getting more irritable and unhappy daily.

I still don't fully understand, but Jake, I love you and you will always be very close in all my family's memories. I know you're running like you've never run before, no fences, no gates, just open sky and ground to cover. Have fun boy, we miss you.